and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
