Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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