piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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