If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I bet he comes in French.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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