I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
