I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
