that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
