It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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