Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
