Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
