he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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