My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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