Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
