Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
