oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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