I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
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its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
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I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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