Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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