$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Slut skills are useful in every country.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
