she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
