I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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