She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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