She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
