Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Watching her eat just hurts me
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
