By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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