I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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