last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize