He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
