her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
