I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I can text with my tongue
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
