high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
