i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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