Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
