jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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