for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
