I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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