Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
