Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
