Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
