If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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