I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
