Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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