dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
