The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
