Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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