Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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