I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
She made me pour olive oil on her.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
