Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
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Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
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So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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