I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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