I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
