me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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