I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
