why didn't you poke me back
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
he shaved USA in his pubs
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
