good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
