I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
