I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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