tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
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he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
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There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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