When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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