I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
