Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
