Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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