When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
