THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
