glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
