She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
