i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
