Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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