yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
