just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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