there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
