I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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